lists

As I sat watching the World Series, I had an epiphany. Abner Doubleday, the supposed creator of baseball, must have been a dad. The game of baseball is so full of life lessons and parenting advice that there's no way he wasn't a father. Here are my top 5 (I can never seem to make it to 10) parenting tips from the game of baseball:

There are times in my life as a dad that I just want to relax. I want to catch up on all the latest sporting news, contemplate the deep meaningful things in my life (like where does toe-jam come from), and let my mind drift away.

However, I don't want to neglect my kids, because then I'd be a terrible parent. My children would wind up in therapy 20 years down the road talking about how daddy never loved them, and I can't live with that on my conscience.

Luckily, I've stumbled upon 5 simple parenting hacks (or quick, inelegant solutions) especially for dads.

Every parent wants their kids to have a 'better life' than they had. But what does this look like in real life? Parents can say things like 'I hope my kids grow up to be happy and healthy,' but both happiness and healthiness leave a lot of room for interpretation.

A wise man once told me that when you have goals, if they aren't measurable, they are worthless. So why should the goals and aspirations parents have for their kids be any different?

When I'm old and grey, I hope to be able to look back upon my life and see that my kids have turned out better than I have. To help me during my time of reflection, I've created a list easily answerable questions.

• The writer has another kid, and finds it more prudent so feed, bathe, and attend to the new baby.
• Life gets busy - The kids start getting involved in sports, dance, music, etc. and now the dad is the chauffeur.
• The kids start getting ignored - Instead of actually being a dad, the writer is too busy writing about what it's like to be dad.
• Loss of interest - Blogs take time to develop (unless you're an all-star), and many writers simply lose interest.
• Chasing the money - While there are many bloggers that make good money, there are many more who don't. If the bloggers heart isn't in it, it will show up in the writing

I hope you never see the above start to happen at simplefather.com. If you do, feel free to call me out on it, because I'd like to be in it for the long haul. Maybe down the road I can switch over to simplegrandfather.com, and show grandparents how to spoil their grandchildren.

Boogers… we all have them, and we all have various ways of dealing with them. Here are the top 5 things that your daughter should do with her boogers:

1. Eat them - They make a tasty bedtime snack, and therefore eliminate the cries of "I'm hungry" coming from the bedroom late at night.
2. Pick them - If the girl is just "one of the boys," the boys won't feel the need to date her, therefore eliminating the need to purchase a shotgun and rocking chair for the front porch.
3. Don't pick or eat them - Come to think of it, if the girl wants to get married someday, she had better ignore reasons 1 and 2. Otherwise, she may attract the wrong members of the gene pool.
4. Wipe them on her siblings - There is no better way to regain control of personal space than wiping a big boogey on someone. Nothing says "I don't want you around" quite like slimy green goo on your shirt.
5. Learn the farmer blow - For purely practical purposes, everyone should know how to farmer blow. There are bound to be times when a girl finds herself without a tissue, and needs to get some snot out of her nose. It's either that, or risk getting a nasty sinus infection

I know what you're thinking, only 5 reasons? This list is lame! But realize this, there just aren't that many things that girls should be doing with boogers! Maybe someday I'll make the same list for boys, then I can add in things like collecting, staring at, flicking, etc.

Be sure to check out the other dads over at dad-blogs.com.