Disciplining Other People’s Kids, At Your House, With Their Parents Around
As a parent, uncomfortable situations arise from time to time. For me it’s been anything from Princess P refusing to behave at church, to Special K just being her unruly self and throwing anything she can get her hands on.
Then there are the times when I’m out and about town and see a child throwing a fit, while the parents do nothing... not even contain the situation. Those moments are great for showing your kids how not to act in public.
In the situations above, the players involved are clearly defined, and roles don’t overlap. In the first situation, it’s my job to correct Princess P and contain Special K. In the second situation, I am in an observational role, while the other parent apparently thinks they have no role to play. Everything is black and white.
However, much to my surprise, the uninvolved parent (we’ll call this person Parent X) follows me home and spends the rest of the day hanging out while the kids play. It doesn’t take long before Parent X’s kid (Kid X) doesn’t get his or her way. As a result Kid X calls dear ole Parent X a s#!t a$$.
To my dismay, Parent X rolls with it, doing nothing, while repeatedly being hit and called a s#!t a$$. This is where everything seems to turn a shade of gray. At what point do you become the bouncer and boot them from the exclusive club known as your home? It is your domain, and what you say goes. Or do boot them immediately and not even put up with Parent and Kid X’s behavior? After all, your kid is watching, absorbing the days events like a sponge.
Up to this point Mrs. Simple and I have been more than accommodating, but have the feeling that at some point something has to give. What would you, or what have you, done in this situation?
photo courtesy of crypto
I think it is fair to ask the parent to not allow the bad language around your child. It isn't any different than asking that parent to not cuss in front of your children. It is also appropriate for you to get on eye level with the child and say I am talking to your mommy/daddy and it is not polite of you to interrupt us with you naughty language and hitting your mommy/daddy. Here is why: It puts that responsibility of handling any future behavior/friendship/allowance on that parent knowing it makes you uncomfortable. It will give them food for thought and what they do with that isn't your responsibility.
Thanks for the advice. I think I just need to get over caring how the parent will react, obviously, the parent doesn't care about our rules.
Dang! I pity the fool who let's his kids bring that foul language in to my exclusive club.
I think I'd just roll with it until the day ends and then be sure not to allow a repeat performance. As much as I'd want to boot everybody out of my house for acting badly, I'd have to just slap my forehead that I invited them over in the first place. I would just be ultra sure to make a mental note to steer clear of those people.
Yeah, ideally I'd just steer clear, but I'm trying to figure out how that fits with trying to show love and be an example for this family.
It is your house--you get to make the rules. Tell the child they may not use those words in your house and if it continues they will have to play outside or separate from your children. Might be a good example for the other parents. Don't be held hostage to another person's bad behavior.
Not knowing everything about this person, I first would attempt to distract the kid with something. Whether its a toy or playing a game. If I didn't know the parents well enough I would have talked to them later about it away from the kid. If I did know them, I would correct the kid right then.
Good Lord, that is crazy. To be totally honest, my first instinct after reading was to boot everyone, because that is completely unacceptable. However, given a second to think about it, I probably would have done everything to usher my kids out of the room. Once they were sequestered I'd return to the scene of the crime and tell them that play time was over. What is wrong with people? Parent your kids. Geeze.
What do you do if this is your boyfriend's child misbehaving in your own home???
I have been ignoring and biting my lip.
I would first give the parent a chance to correct the behavior. He she/he didn't, I would step in and address the child directly.
I have a niece who is very much like child X. She has her mommy and daddy wrapped around both of her little fingers and she knows that all she has to do is raise enough of a high pitched squeaky fuss that they will very quickly cave just to shut her up! She whines, she screams, she yells NO (something we have taught our kids NEVER EVER TO DO!), she tells them what she wants and where she wants it...she is very hard to be around. Actually they are all very hard to be around. Even when she was a baby they let her carry on, screaming bloody murder over a toy SHE wanted and some other kid had or the fact they had to leave and she didn't want to. Instead of addressing the issue, they would holler over the noise "STOP CRYING...STOP...JUST STOP IT...STOP IT OR ELSE..."
I don't care if they get mad at me for correcting her...I have to think about my kids who observe her behavior an wonder why SHE gets away with crap and THEY don't. And because *I* have corrected her, she respects me like you wouldn't believe. I am pretty sure I will be know as the "evil eye aunty". She could be screeching across the room about something and all it takes is one dirty look from me, and maybe a raised eyebrow thrown in for emphasis and that tiny mouth snaps shut. As long as she has eye contact with me, she snaps out of it.
Now, since she is a blood relative, I feel I have a bit more freedom than I would, say with an unrelated visitor. We are, as a rule, very careful who we allow in our home to begin with...and as Mocha Dad said, I will give the parent a chance to correct them, and if not, I will "gently remind" the child that it's ALWAYS right to obey...
Ha...nice to know I am not the only parent who uses a disobedient child as a teaching tool for my own kids. I have done this many times. I guess the screaming kids the mall DO serve a purpose!!
Brilliant Blog...love it!!!!!!
THAT should be my name...not AND Empty...wow...spell check much? Nope.
They're in your house they must follow the rules you have and not their rules.
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